A world without consequences
by Escriba
Summary: Trip and T'Pol have a conversation during the "Twilight" universe.


**Disclaimer:** Enterprise and its characters aren't mine and I write this story without any profit. Sigh… This is worse than working for one's family.

* * *

The moonlight makes her flesh glow. She looks like an ancient goddess or one of those fairies who enchanted drunk farmers in their way home.

Her eyes are open as she looks at the ceiling. There is no bright in them.

She looks every inch as inhuman as she is.

"Aren't you worried that he catches us here?" I ask.

"No. He is asleep. Besides, he wouldn't remember it tomorrow anyway." She replies, without gazing me, with the bitterest voice I've never heard on her. With the bitterest voice I've never heard on a Vulcan.

I sit up and lean on the wall beside me. I feel very tired and not just because the physical exercise.

"You resent this." I accuse.

"Meaning?"

"You're fully aware of what I mean."

She let escape a soft sound, similar to a sigh, and sit up as well. Naked and with that long hair falling at her face's sides she could do as a human female, had it not been for the rebellious tips of her ears.

"This is pointless. What we did, we did, Captain."

I snort.

"For God's shake, T'Pol! We've just had sex, can't you call me _Trip_?"

She looks at me, as mad as a soaked cat. God, she is beautiful.

"It would be inappropriate, _Captain Tucker_."

I laugh against my will and cover my face with a hand. I put up with this because, at the deepest, I like it and because she needs it. She needs to make love (or whatever she calls it) with somebody who _remembers_.

And every seven years she needs to have sex, period. Damn Vulcan physiology. I still have the scars of that last time. It had to be me, of course. Who other? Not the Cap'n, because it was too complicated. With his cyclic amnesia it wasn't possible. First, somebody would have to explain him the situation and it wouldn't turn out right anyway, because at the next day he would wake up without memories and the fright would be colossal. So, yeah, it was me. "Sex toy" Trip. Use me and throw me, I don't care, I'm just a Southern ignorant.

The question is I do, of course. After a whole week making it like bunnies, I had to watch her telling the Cap'n the story about Earth's destruction and taking care of him like a freaking wife would do. Can I hate him for this? Can I hate him when it isn't his fault?

And it isn't. I tell myself this, over and over again. It's nobody's fault.

"Feeling guilty about this serves no purpose." She says with that calm tone I can't stand.

"You lecturing me about guilt. _You_. This is funny." I answer, but I refuse to fix my eyes on her.

I hear her move slightly. The soft falling of the silk through her flesh.

"I know you think I'm taking care of Jonathan out of culpability. But I assure you it isn't the case. I'm just paying an honor debt."

I press my tongue against one side of my mouth.

"Yeah, suuure." I tease.

She faces me with a sudden glow in her eyes. A reply dances on her lips. But she is as tired as me, so she ends lying down again. Her naked body is outlined in the half-light, like an abstract shape inside a dream.

"Has he cried today?" I ask, because I feel vindictive.

There is a pause. Then…

"He always cries when he hears about Earth's destruction."

Her voice is detached.

"Does it make you feel better?" I inquire. "Does it feel good when you have to watch him suffer? When you have to tell him over and over again the same story and remember every step in the way?"

"It's my obligation."

"It's your punishment."

She lifts her head and looks at me. Even in the darkness I can see her distress.

"Because it's your fault, isn't it?" I go on. "The Cap'n lost his memory saving you. You charged against those Xindi ships. You rammed them. You destroyed one of the warp engines. You slowed us down. It's your fault we didn't get there in time. Earth's destruction is _your fault_."

T'Pol swallows. All her fire, that personality I loved to hate, is put out.

"Is this what you wanted to hear?" I ask. I feel as tense as a violin string. But, at the same time, I haven't felt so alive in a long time. "Is this the guilt trip you were expecting?"

All that I can sense it's her laborious breathing. I stretch out to her, till my mouth and her mouth are at the same level.

"The truth is it's not your fault." I smile a sour smile. "Believe me, I wish it was. I've been trying to blame you all these years. I've even had dreams, you know? Nasty little dreams about how to punish you. But never this. I could never imagine something so cruel for you."

"This isn't more or less cruel than any other thing." She says after two quiet seconds. "This is just my obligation."

"T'Pol—

"Dwelling on the past actions is illogical."

"Right, whatever you say. I've never met a woman as stubborn as you."

"I don't feel guilty." She insists. "Guilt is an emotion and Vulcans don't have—

"Don't play with me." I interrupt her. "After everything that's happened, after everything we've lived, don't try to make me swallow that crap."

She actually pouts.

"It's time to let it go." I tell her.

"Are you implying I leave Jonathan?"

It makes me cringe to hear her use his first name.

"No. What I'm trying to say is that you could share the burden with some other. It doesn't have to be your nontransferable responsibility."

"All of you are in deep space, in you own commissions."

"There are like 6000 people in this planet."

"Nobody knows Jonathan as well as I do, it would be… _awkward_."

"For whom?"

She doesn't answer and looks away. I lean on my arm to put myself over her. Even if our bodies aren't touching, I know she hates this.

"T'Pol, your sacrifice has been incredible, your intentions couldn't be nobler, in a distorted sort of way, but believe me, it's time to let it go."

"Have you let Elizabeth go? Have you let your family go?"

I can't believe this cheap shot coming from her!

"This isn't about me." I avoid the question.

"Have you?"

"Yes." I answer while I feel every letter rasp my throat.

"Liar."

"Think whatever you want. Suit yourself." I bring my face near hers. "Unlike you, I've learnt something in all these years: you can't change the past, you can only live with the consequences."

"Do we, really?"

It's a genuine question. Do we live with the consequences? She doesn't, obviously. She shares her life with a man who can't remember which clothes he wore 24 hours ago. She lives in an endless curl. She does and tells and _experiences_ the same things day after day.

And what about me? I've been promoted. I command the _Enterprise_. I fight against the Xindi. I have a life outside the Cap'n and T'Pol. Till she calls me and I come back and we make love and pretend it's the last time. As we always do. As we always will. Over and over again.

She is looking at me, waiting an answer. I don't have one. I'll never have one. And I suspect she knows it. So I do what we do best: sidetracking. I bend down to kiss her. She moves her face away to prevent it, but let me explore her soft neck.

She never kisses me.

I clean my head and focus in her earlobe. Her skin smells of dust and chamomile. She moans and pulls my hair in that fierce, possessive manner of hers.

We get lost in ourselves again. Just for tonight. That's what we promise, once more. And we'll even keep it, at least for some time. Till we are overwhelmed in this chaotic world. A world created as a result of a damn accident that a man who can't remember it had. We are bounded by a recurrent past and an unattainable future.

So, just for tonight, we pretend we are like the Cap'n and live in a world without consequences.

THE END

**Author's note:** I didn't want to offend A/T fans with this one. I have nothing personal against them, although I'm a TnT fan myself. And I know "Twilight" is one of _their_ chapters. But I always thought it was disrespectful, to T'Pol, to Archer and to their fans. I mean, the two of them having an affair, ok. I don't like the idea, but all right. But putting this "love story" in a universe where T'Pol has to take care of a man who can't remember any relationship with her and Archer has a half-live (and this, if we are nice) is wrong. If you want to give them a love story, give them a _real_ love story, not this. But, really, I didn't want to offend A/T fans.


End file.
